Separation/Divorce

[dr_bar]

Been there done that and for the same reasons as well. Had an amicable divorce and all went fine until she remarried. I believe all the problems that cropped up were due to him though. Toughest part was my youngest daughter, she didn't really understand and always blamed me for the break up. She wasn't quite 9 when it happened and it took until her mid 20's before we reconciled. So my advice is be clear on a few points;
1: This is a joint decision and not just Dads or Moms.
2: Let them know you've both tried everything to make things better and it's not working, (whether it's true or not.)
3: That you both love them with all your heart and that no matter what happens in the future, you will always be their Dad and she will always be their Mom.
4: Get your wife to agree that buying "special" gifts to placate broken little hearts is a bad idea. This ends up in a competition as to who buys the best equating into who loves the best.
5: Don't share details with children, but don't keep them in the dark either. Find a balance and both you and your ex should agree on what's to be said.

In regards to using the house while in town and displacing mom... I'm not sure how I feel about it, but it will have two positive effects though;
1: Less disruption of the kids lives due to spending time with their two parents, no travelling to another home or packing bags every weekend.
2: You'll be able to save up some money for a place of your own at a later date. Remember to start squirrelling away money into an account that is difficult to access, that way you'll not be tempted to tap into it for everyday expenses...

Best wishes to you, your children and to your wife, who will be shouldering the brunt of dealing with the children while you're away.

Doug

[madjak30]

Well, we got the housing issue corrected. I'm going to get a place to rent nearby, and will be there with the kids after school until bed. We are still working out all the details, but this way at least I have my own space not just using my kids bed or the couch...her bed was not an option for me. This way, the kids are not being shuffled around and my ex doesn't have to leave for a week. She can sleep in her own bed, I can have my own bed & a place to call my own...otherwise I felt like I was homeless...

We went to a mediator on Monday and it went well, mostly what I expected...but some good info. We have to be legally separated for a year & take a PAS course (Parenting After Separation) within that year to be eligible for divorce proceedings.

Anyway, hope no one else has to go through this...but if you do, the mediator is much more civil...no he said, she said junk...just the facts and a focus on the kids. I like it. Well...not really, but it is the best way if you have to go through it.

Thanks for the words of support. Life will go on and we will survive as a family, even if we don't all live together.

Later.

[sapaul]

Great attitude, yes it will be tough, but there is no reason why you still cannot be a family

[dr_bar]

Never heard of PAS before, great idea...

[High_Side]

Sorry to hear about this but it sounds like you and your wife are handling this better than just about anyone I have heard of previously. I wish you luck, and hopefully the arrangement that you have come up with will work well for all involved - especially your kids.

Hang in there....

[blues2cruise]

How are you doing now?