There are days when I feel I should be allowed to murder

Message
Author
User avatar
ceemes
Legendary 2000
Legendary 2000
Posts: 2153
Joined: Fri Jun 22, 2007 11:35 pm
Real Name: a big secret
Sex: Male
Years Riding: 26
My Motorcycle: 1998 Triumph Trophy
Location: Burnaby, BC, Canada, Sol 3, the Milky Way Galaxy, the Known Universe.

There are days when I feel I should be allowed to murder

#1 Unread post by ceemes »

freely, without restriction or repercussion....and today is one of those days.

Today is the first day of summer and first truly half decent day weather wise we have had in weeks here in Lotusland, aka Vancouver BC and all the noobs and numpies were out in full force in their cages. I will now present to the court, four cases of cager nooberism, three warranting immediate and summary execution of the offenders in the most painful, brutal, degrading and slow manner known to heaven and hell, the fourth case warrants only whipping and mayhaps castration, I'll leave for the court to decide. All this happened on my 45 minute, 35 kilometre commute home from Burnaby to Tsawwassen.

Case One: The case of the Homicidal Mini Van at the corner of E49th Avenue and Tyne.

I'm sitting at a red west bound in the right lane at the corner of E49th and Tyne, third vehicle back, the van in the left lane is signaling to turn left. First car in the line up is a hateful little Prius taxi, the car in front of me is signalling to turn right to head north on Tyne, no problem. Light turns green and traffic on Tyne comes to a halt, the taxi proceeds through the intersection, the car in front of me turns right. Just as I enter the intersection I notice a mini van flying down the right hand turn lane of Tyne and he is not slowing, I brake hard, he sails into the intersection, barely making his turn and almost runs up into the rear of the taxi. He then swings into the east bound lane, no traffic thankfully and travels a good 100 yards before making a hard fast left down the next residential lane, almost clipping a pedestrian crossing the road in doing so. At no time did this male chicken sucker slow down, signal or look to see if anything or anyone was coming. In the span of seconds, he has broken damn near all the traffic laws going, almost rear ended a taxi, t-boned a bike and splattered a pedestrian. I feel such a driver should be hunted down and removed from the gene pool immediately and perhaps any spawn he has left behind should also be removed in order to improve the species. The only suitable punishment is to have his arms and legs bound in stout ropes that are tied to the back end of four litre class bikes, each heading in one of the cardinal points of the compass. All four bikes pull out hard and fast at the same time in different directions, then a his mangled corpse be buried and forever damned in a Prius, Satan's car of choice.

Case Two: The case of a Peckerhead in a Pony car at the corner of E49th and Elliot Street.

I am sitting at a red at the intersection of E49 and Elliot signal to turn left, I am the first vehicle in the line up so have an unobstructed view of the roadway. A black Ford Mustang GT convertible with a standard transmission goes through the intersection on his green, fair enough, however this noob supreme has a hand held cell phone glued to his right ear and he is leaning over to the right trying to change gears with his left hand and making a dogs breakfast of it, the engine is howling in protest and the gears are grinding, and the car is swerving all about the lane, but he will not put down that f'ing phone. Anyways, he goes off and I wait for my light to change and to make my turn. I head down Elliot and then turn right onto 54th and actually catch up with the peckerhead and he is still on the that bloody phone and still changing gears with his left hand while holding the cell with his right. Somehow he has managed to safely navigate that far without hitting anyone even though he went past an Elementary school and Kindergarten who's kids had just left for home. He finally finishes his call just before Victoria and puts down the phone, I pulled up beside him and said, "Nice car, pity its being driven by a right fvckwad". Silly bugger tried to chase me down, but Mustang GT's of that period had big engines really only good for turning octane into noise and his driving skills sucked, I left him far behind. For this nimrod, I believe that a suitable punishment is to have a modified cell phone, one of those big heavy 1st generation brick style of the 80's be forcibly inserted without the benefit of lube, deep into his hole. Oh and the modification? Say about an ounce of C4 plastic explosive set to go off at some random in-coming call.

Case Three: Hands Free Prat on Knight Street Bridge.

Case three is very similar to the second case, in that it involves another prat driving while using a hand-held cell phone, which is illegal in BC and subject to big fines, but wait, this one is even better. Now the Knight Street is the main thoroughfare for heavy trucks transporting goods from the Port of Vancouver, thru the city and onto both Highway 99 south to the border and to the connector between Richmond and Surrey. At the best of times it is very busy and congested, but now imagine what it is like during rush hour with not only transport trucks on it, but commuters feeding off of Marine Drive and off the Mitchel Island industrial park, all trying to fit on two south bound lanes. Now picture if you will, a mid sized red sedan of the late 80's early 90's pulling a single axle low walled trailer and on that trailer is a full sized household refrigerator, a stacked washer/drier combo and a freezer unit all held in place by a couple of light 1/2 inch tie downs, oh and did I mention the Knight Street Bridge is subject to wind gusts blowing off the ocean as they were today? Now imagine the prat in this car/trailer combination driving across the bridge at the height of rush hour with tractor trailers and commuters all jockeying for position and has a hand-held cell phone glued to his left ear.....and just for giggles, he is looking down into the cockpit and is trying with his right hand to fit the cells A/C adapter into his cars lighter and its not working. So what we have here is an overloaded car pulling a weaving top heavy trailer across a major bridge with wind gust during rush hour, the drivers left hand is holding his cell phone to his ear, his right hand is fiddling with the A/C adapter by the cigarette lighter, his attention is not on the road but inside the car and his is steering with his knees......words cannot express how badly I wanted to put this fool out of my misery......I cannot think of a punishment worthy of this fool, the best I can come up with is to have him suspend by his manhood off the side of the bridge and left to suffer exposure and to feed the various blackbirds and gulls. Perhaps one of you worthy can come up with a more suitable punishment.

Case Four: Gawking Lookieloos.

After all this, I was pleasantly surprised to find the traffic going thru the Tunnel of Hell, aka the Deas Island Tunnel moving smoothly and without the usual drama of twits switching lanes without looking. However, once I got off Highway 17 and on to 56th Street, just a few blocks from home I ran into a four or five car chain reaction accident. The Delta Police has blocked off one lane of 56th and traffic was actually moving over into the flowing lane in a sane manner. The fire department and EMS ambulance crews were busy working on the victims but it didn't look too serious, basically one can rear ended another, then another rear ended that one and so on, given the slow speeds on that part of the road and the amount of damage, don't think there were any serious injuries. But oh lordy, there is a cop there flagging traffic thru and people still had to either slow down or stop completely to gawk like some country hick visiting the big city for the first time. People, the emergency workers are busy enough as it is, they don't need to deal with another accident coz you had to stop or slow down to gawk. When the cop is frantically flagging you thru, go, otherwise you are putting yourself, other road users and emergency personal in danger. For these lookie-loos, I suggest a flogging and castration to prevent breeding more mouth breathers.

Yours,
one P.O'ed
Ceemes
Always ask why.

Image

User avatar
dr_bar
Site Supporter - Diamond
Site Supporter - Diamond
Posts: 4531
Joined: Mon May 23, 2005 10:37 am
Real Name: Doug
Sex: Male
Years Riding: 44
My Motorcycle: 2007 Yamaha Royal Star Venture
Location: Surrey BC, Canada

Re: There are days when I feel I stood be allowed to murder

#2 Unread post by dr_bar »

Wow, two of those within what, 12 - 13 blocks, the next only a couple of kilometres later??? I say you had your summers worth af f**ktards in one fell swoop, I hope it's not a sign of things to come...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Four wheels move the body.
Two wheels move the soul!"

blues2cruise
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 10182
Joined: Fri Apr 22, 2005 10:28 pm
Sex: Female
Years Riding: 16
My Motorcycle: 2000 Yamaha V-Star 1100
Location: Vancouver, British Columbia

Re: There are days when I feel I stood be allowed to murder

#3 Unread post by blues2cruise »

Good thing you're moving to Newton. :mrgreen:
Image

Wrider
Site Supporter - Gold
Site Supporter - Gold
Posts: 5285
Joined: Wed Aug 16, 2006 7:46 pm
Real Name: Ryan
Sex: Male
Years Riding: 4
My Motorcycle: 2005 Kawasaki Z750S
Location: Colorado Springs, CO

Re: There are days when I feel I stood be allowed to murder

#4 Unread post by Wrider »

I had a guy pull out in front of me yesterday while I was riding down a road. He saw me as he was pulling out, and of course stopped dead in my path. I brake hard, motion for him to go, then shake my head at him, to be rewarded with "get a real bike!"

Can I just shoot one person per day? Please?
Have owned - 2001 Suzuki Volusia
Current bike - 2005 Kawasaki Z750S
MMI Graduation date January 9th, 2009. Factory Certifications in Suzuki and Yamaha

MmeMagpie
Elite
Elite
Posts: 175
Joined: Thu Mar 01, 2012 11:23 am
Real Name: Andrea Robinson
Sex: Female
Years Riding: 12
My Motorcycle: 2004 Honda Shadow Aero VT750C
Location: Sierra Vista, AZ

Re: There are days when I feel I stood be allowed to murder

#5 Unread post by MmeMagpie »

Yes, you may.

A couple of weeks ago it seemed like everyone on my commute to work decided that unsafe passing was the thing to do. Two weeks and eight near head-on collisions at 65mph... I really hate it when I have to break hard and pull right of the white line.
Ooooooh. Shiny!

Wrider
Site Supporter - Gold
Site Supporter - Gold
Posts: 5285
Joined: Wed Aug 16, 2006 7:46 pm
Real Name: Ryan
Sex: Male
Years Riding: 4
My Motorcycle: 2005 Kawasaki Z750S
Location: Colorado Springs, CO

Re: There are days when I feel I stood be allowed to murder

#6 Unread post by Wrider »

MmeMagpie wrote:Yes, you may.

I really hate it when I have to break hard and pull right of the white line.
Awesome!

And don't you go breaking anything hard! Unless you mean braking hard... :twisted:
Have owned - 2001 Suzuki Volusia
Current bike - 2005 Kawasaki Z750S
MMI Graduation date January 9th, 2009. Factory Certifications in Suzuki and Yamaha

MmeMagpie
Elite
Elite
Posts: 175
Joined: Thu Mar 01, 2012 11:23 am
Real Name: Andrea Robinson
Sex: Female
Years Riding: 12
My Motorcycle: 2004 Honda Shadow Aero VT750C
Location: Sierra Vista, AZ

Re: There are days when I feel I stood be allowed to murder

#7 Unread post by MmeMagpie »

When I break things, it's on porpoise :D

My brake pads and middle finger get an excellent workout around here.
Ooooooh. Shiny!

Post Reply