a funny...

Message
Author
User avatar
Deejay
Rookie
Rookie
Posts: 8
Joined: Tue Feb 17, 2009 11:32 pm
Sex: Male
Location: Battle Ground, WA

A ship was sailing the seven seas

#81 Unread post by Deejay » Sun Mar 08, 2009 1:01 pm

Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea,
a captain and his crew were always in danger
of being boarded by pirates from a pirate ship.

One of Her Majesty's Ships was sailing one day,
when they saw that a pirate ship had sent a boarding party
to try and board their ship.
The crew became worried, but the Captain was calm.

He bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!"

The First Mate quickly got the Captain's red shirt, which the captain put on.
Then he led his crew into battle against the ferocious pirates.
Although there were some casualties among the crew,
the pirates were defeated.
Later that day, the lookout called out that there were two pirate vessels
sending two boarding parties towards their ship.
The crew was nervous, but the Captain was calm as ever,

He bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!"

Once again a pitched battle ensued!
The Captain and his crew fought off the boarding parties,
though this time more casualties occurred.
Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night,
recounting the day's events. An ensign looked at the Captain and asked,
"Sir, why do you call for your red shirt before each battle?"
The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give,
growled, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the blood,
so you men will continue to fight unafraid."
The men sat in silence, amazed at the courage of their captain.

As dawn came the next morning, the lookout called out that there were pirate ships,
10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way.
The men became silent
and looked to the Captain for his usual command.
.
.
.
.
.

The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, 'Bring me my brown pants!!!'
Deejay
All-season rider
[url]http://motodometer.blogspot.com[/url]

User avatar
dr_bar
Site Supporter - Diamond
Site Supporter - Diamond
Posts: 4531
Joined: Mon May 23, 2005 10:37 am
Real Name: Doug
Sex: Male
Years Riding: 44
My Motorcycle: 2007 Yamaha Royal Star Venture
Location: Surrey BC, Canada

#82 Unread post by dr_bar » Wed Mar 18, 2009 11:46 pm

Borrowed... Well maybe stolen, from another site................


A little boy blows up a balloon and starts flicking it all around the house with his finger.

His mother tells him to stop it as he's liable to break something, but the boy continues.

'Johnny!' Mom screams. 'Knock it off!.' You're goingto break something. He stops and eventually Mom leaves for a short trip to the shopping center.



Johnny starts up with the balloon again after his mom has left for the store. He gives it one last flick and it lands in the toilet where he leaves it.

Mom comes in and while putting away the grocery gets the urge, a diarrhea run. She can hardly make it to the toilet in time and SPLASH, out it comes.

When she's finished, she looks down and can'tbelieve what she's seeing. She's not sure what this big brown thing is in the toilet! She calls her doctor. The doctor is baffled as she describes the situation, but he assures her he'll be over shortly to examine everything.

When he arrives she leads him to the bathroom andhe gets down on his knees and takes a long, hard look at the thing. Finally, he takes out his pen and sort of touches it to see what it might be and POP! The balloon explodes and poop is everywhere. On him, the walls, etc…

"Doctor! Doctor! Are you all right?" she asks.

He says, "I've been in this business for over 30 years, and this is the first time I've ever actually seen a fart
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Four wheels move the body.
Two wheels move the soul!"

User avatar
dr_bar
Site Supporter - Diamond
Site Supporter - Diamond
Posts: 4531
Joined: Mon May 23, 2005 10:37 am
Real Name: Doug
Sex: Male
Years Riding: 44
My Motorcycle: 2007 Yamaha Royal Star Venture
Location: Surrey BC, Canada

#83 Unread post by dr_bar » Wed Apr 01, 2009 10:09 am

Women's Azz Size Study-- There is a new study just released by the American Psychiatric Association - about women and how they feel about their azzes.
The results are pretty shocking:

1. Only 5% of women surveyed feel their azz is too big.

2. 10% of women surveyed feel their azz is too small.

3. The remaining 85% say they don't care; they love him; he's a good man and they would have married him anyway
:roll: :mrgreen: :laughing: :roll: :mrgreen: :laughing: :roll: :mrgreen: :laughing:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Four wheels move the body.
Two wheels move the soul!"

blues2cruise
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 10108
Joined: Fri Apr 22, 2005 10:28 pm
Sex: Female
Years Riding: 16
My Motorcycle: 2000 Yamaha V-Star 1100
Location: Vancouver, British Columbia
Contact:

new biker joke

#84 Unread post by blues2cruise » Fri May 22, 2009 10:42 am

A Little 10-year-old girl was walking home,
alone, from school one day, when a big man on a black
motorcycle pulls up beside her.

After following along for a while, turns to her and asks,

"Hey there little girl, do you want to go for a ride?"

"NO!" says the little girl as she keeps on walking.

The motorcyclist again pulls up beside her and asks,
"Hey little girl, I will give you $10 if you hop on the back."

"NO!" says the little girl as she hurries down the street.

The motorcyclist pulls up beside the little girl again and says,
"Okay kid, my last offer! I'll give you 20 Bucks "and" a Big Bag of Candy
if you will just hop on the back of my bike and we will go
for a ride."

Finally, the little girl stops and turns towards him and Screams Out...





"Look Dad" "You're the one who bought the Honda instead of the Harley"!

"YOU RIDE IT!"
Image

User avatar
dr_bar
Site Supporter - Diamond
Site Supporter - Diamond
Posts: 4531
Joined: Mon May 23, 2005 10:37 am
Real Name: Doug
Sex: Male
Years Riding: 44
My Motorcycle: 2007 Yamaha Royal Star Venture
Location: Surrey BC, Canada

#85 Unread post by dr_bar » Thu Jun 25, 2009 11:05 am

Dave was attending his biker club's monthly meeting and had just told them he couldn't make the camping trip scheduled for the next day because his wife wouldn't let him go.

After listening to the jeers and other remarks from his fellow biker buddies Dave left to go back home to his wife.

When Dave's friends started arriving to set up camp the next day, who should be there but Dave sitting in front of his bike, tent up, beer in hand, camp oven roast stewing away in a hot bed of coals.

"How did ya talk your wife into letting you go Dave?"

"I didn't have to" was Dave's reply. "When I left the meeting I went home and slumped down in my chair with a beer to drown my sorrows. Then my wife snuck up behind me and covered my eyes and said, 'Surprise'!"

When I peeled her hands back she was standing there in a beautiful see-through negligee and she said, "Carry me into the bedroom, tie me to the bed and you can do whatever you want."

So here I am!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Four wheels move the body.
Two wheels move the soul!"

blues2cruise
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 10108
Joined: Fri Apr 22, 2005 10:28 pm
Sex: Female
Years Riding: 16
My Motorcycle: 2000 Yamaha V-Star 1100
Location: Vancouver, British Columbia
Contact:

#86 Unread post by blues2cruise » Thu Jun 25, 2009 11:04 pm

:laughing:
Image

User avatar
redwing
Elite
Elite
Posts: 134
Joined: Wed Jun 24, 2009 3:06 am
Sex: Male
Location: Hessmer Louisiana

True Story

#87 Unread post by redwing » Mon Jul 13, 2009 1:07 am

True story with a joke in the middle.

I'm a dealer at a gambling in Louisiana. I was dealing to four men and a woman. The woman was a blonde. One of the men asked the blonde if she would be offended by a 'blonde joke.' The (blonde) lady said she wouldn't be offended and he should tell the joke.
Ths is the joke...

There were three women who had escaped from jail. A blonde, a red head, and a brunette. They were trying to escape by running cross- country. The 3 ladies could see the police off in the distance so they went into a barn to hide. In the barn were large toe sacks of potatoes. They each got into an empty bag to hide. The police quickly found the barn and began to search for the escapees.
A police man moved the sack with the red head in it. The red head said, 'MEOW,'
Another policeman moved the sack with the brunette in it. The brunette said,'WOOF.'
Finally a policeman moved the sack with the blonde in it. The blonde said, 'POTATOE.'

The blonde woman at the gambling asked, 'Now what did the red head say?'
2008 BMW R1200R and is it sweet...

User avatar
dr_bar
Site Supporter - Diamond
Site Supporter - Diamond
Posts: 4531
Joined: Mon May 23, 2005 10:37 am
Real Name: Doug
Sex: Male
Years Riding: 44
My Motorcycle: 2007 Yamaha Royal Star Venture
Location: Surrey BC, Canada

Re: a funny...

#88 Unread post by dr_bar » Sat Mar 06, 2010 8:09 am

Got this in an email and had to share. I don't have a clue what he's saying but I like his sense of humour... :twisted:



(Because of my bandwidth limitations, this link will only be up for a short while...)
Last edited by dr_bar on Tue Aug 03, 2010 1:03 pm, edited 1 time in total.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Four wheels move the body.
Two wheels move the soul!"

jaskc78
Site Supporter - Platinum
Site Supporter - Platinum
Posts: 703
Joined: Sun May 24, 2009 12:39 pm
Sex: Male
Years Riding: 6
My Motorcycle: N/A
Location: Iola, KS

Re: a funny...

#89 Unread post by jaskc78 » Sun Mar 07, 2010 3:35 am

that's awesome.
"Dude, women are like Vol-Tron. The more you can hook up the better it gets!" --RvB
Currently waiting on a new hip before I can get a new bike.

Wrider
Site Supporter - Gold
Site Supporter - Gold
Posts: 5285
Joined: Wed Aug 16, 2006 7:46 pm
Real Name: Ryan
Sex: Male
Years Riding: 4
My Motorcycle: 2005 Kawasaki Z750S
Location: Colorado Springs, CO
Contact:

Re: a funny...

#90 Unread post by Wrider » Thu Mar 11, 2010 1:22 am

Brian invited his mother over for dinner. During the course of the meal, Brian's mother couldn't help but notice how beautiful Brian's roommate, Jennifer, was. Brian's Mom had long been suspicious of the platonic relationship between Brian and Jennifer, and this had only made her more
curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Brian and Jennifer than met the eye.
Reading his mom's thoughts, Brian volunteered, 'I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you Jennifer and I are just roommates.'

About a week later, Jennifer came to Brian saying, 'Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?' Brian said, 'Well, I doubt it, but I'll send her an e-mail just to be sure. So he sat down and wrote:
Dear Mom,

I'm not saying that you 'did' take the gravy ladle from the house, I'm not saying that you 'did not' take the gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.

Love, Brian

Several days later, Brian received an email back from his mother that read:
Dear Son,

I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Jennifer, I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Jennifer. But the fact remains that if Jennifer is sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now.

Love, Mom


LESSON OF THE DAY - NEVER LIE TO YOUR MOTHER!
Have owned - 2001 Suzuki Volusia
Current bike - 2005 Kawasaki Z750S
MMI Graduation date January 9th, 2009. Factory Certifications in Suzuki and Yamaha

User avatar
fireguzzi
Site Supporter - Bronze
Site Supporter - Bronze
Posts: 2248
Joined: Fri Aug 20, 2004 9:00 pm
Real Name: Trevor
Sex: Male
Years Riding: 12
My Motorcycle: dream bike (really, it's in my dreams)
Location: Covington, Georgia
Contact:

Re: a funny...

#91 Unread post by fireguzzi » Mon Aug 02, 2010 3:19 pm

The Healing Touch

An Irishman in a wheelchair entered a restaurant one afternoon and asked the waitress for a cup of coffee. The Irishman looked across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus sitting over there?" The waitress nodded "yes," so the Irishman told her to give Jesus a cup of coffee, on him.

The next patron to come in was an Englishman with a hunched back. He shuffled over to a booth, painfully sat down, and asked for a cup of hot tea. He also glanced across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus over there?" The waitress nodded, so the Englishman said to give Jesus a cup of hot tea, "my treat."

The third patron to come into the restaurant was a Redneck on crutches. He hobbled over to a booth, sat down and hollered, "Hey there sweet thang. How's about gettin' me a cold glass of Coke!" He too looked across the restaurant and asked, "Is that God's boy over there?" The waitress once again nodded that it was, so the Redneck said to give Jesus a cold glass of Coke, "on my bill."

As Jesus got up to leave, he passed by the Irishman, touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed." The Irishman felt the strength come back to his legs, got up and danced a jig right out the door.

Jesus also passed by the Englishman, touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed." The Englishman felt his back straightening up, and he raised his hands, praised the Lord and did a series of back flips out the door.

Then Jesus walked up to the Redneck.

The Redneck jumped up and yelled, "Don't touch me... I'm drawin' disability!"
[img]http://i46.photobucket.com/albums/f101/fireguzzi/papabarsig.jpg[/img]

blues2cruise
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 10108
Joined: Fri Apr 22, 2005 10:28 pm
Sex: Female
Years Riding: 16
My Motorcycle: 2000 Yamaha V-Star 1100
Location: Vancouver, British Columbia
Contact:

Re: a funny...

#92 Unread post by blues2cruise » Sun Oct 03, 2010 2:47 pm

Dating in the1960's....

It was a hot Saturday evening in the summer of 1961, and Fred had a date with Peggy Sue.

He arrived at her house and rang the bell. 'Oh, come on in!' Peggy Sue's mother said as she welcomed Fred in.

'Have a seat in the living room. Would you like something to drink?
Lemonade? Iced tea?'

'Iced tea, please,' Fred said. Mom brought the iced tea.

'So, what are you and Peggy planning to do tonight?' she asked.

'Oh, probably catch a movie, and then maybe grab a bite to eat at the malt shop, maybe take a walk on the beach....’

'Peggy likes to screw, you know,' Mom informed him.

'Really?' Fred replied, his eyebrows rising.

'Oh yes,' the mother continued, 'When she goes out with her friends, that's all they do! Screw, again and again !!'
'Is that so?' asked Fred, incredulous.

'Yes,' said the mother. 'As a matter of fact, she'd screw all night if we let her!'
'Well, thanks for the tip!' Fred said as he began thinking about alternate plans for the evening.

A moment later, Peggy Sue came down the stairs looking pretty as a picture, wearing a pink blouse and a hooped skirt, and with her hair tied back in a bouncy ponytail.

She greeted Fred..

'Have fun, kids!' the mother said as they left..
Two hours later, a completely dishevelled Peggy Sue burst into the house and slammed the front door behind her.

'The Twist, Mom!' she angrily yelled to her mother in the kitchen. 'The f***ing dance is called the Twist!!!'
Image

User avatar
Hondagirl
Legendary 500
Legendary 500
Posts: 652
Joined: Wed Jan 02, 2008 5:34 am
Sex: Female
Years Riding: 0
My Motorcycle: 2008 Honda Motard XR400
Location: Japan and CT

Re: a funny...

#93 Unread post by Hondagirl » Wed Oct 06, 2010 7:28 am

:laughing:


Back to recent times..
After Monday and Tuesday even the calendar is like ... :wtf:
Honda Motard XR400
Traded: Honda SL230 and Yamaha XJR400

User avatar
fireguzzi
Site Supporter - Bronze
Site Supporter - Bronze
Posts: 2248
Joined: Fri Aug 20, 2004 9:00 pm
Real Name: Trevor
Sex: Male
Years Riding: 12
My Motorcycle: dream bike (really, it's in my dreams)
Location: Covington, Georgia
Contact:

Re: a funny...

#94 Unread post by fireguzzi » Wed Oct 06, 2010 8:42 am

Hondagirl wrote::laughing:


Back to recent times..
After Monday and Tuesday even the calendar is like ... :wtf:
:lol:
[img]http://i46.photobucket.com/albums/f101/fireguzzi/papabarsig.jpg[/img]

Wrider
Site Supporter - Gold
Site Supporter - Gold
Posts: 5285
Joined: Wed Aug 16, 2006 7:46 pm
Real Name: Ryan
Sex: Male
Years Riding: 4
My Motorcycle: 2005 Kawasaki Z750S
Location: Colorado Springs, CO
Contact:

Re: a funny...

#95 Unread post by Wrider » Wed Oct 06, 2010 11:52 am

Image
Have owned - 2001 Suzuki Volusia
Current bike - 2005 Kawasaki Z750S
MMI Graduation date January 9th, 2009. Factory Certifications in Suzuki and Yamaha

User avatar
fireguzzi
Site Supporter - Bronze
Site Supporter - Bronze
Posts: 2248
Joined: Fri Aug 20, 2004 9:00 pm
Real Name: Trevor
Sex: Male
Years Riding: 12
My Motorcycle: dream bike (really, it's in my dreams)
Location: Covington, Georgia
Contact:

Re: a funny...

#96 Unread post by fireguzzi » Wed Oct 06, 2010 1:39 pm

tiger just bought a new camera.
[img]http://i46.photobucket.com/albums/f101/fireguzzi/papabarsig.jpg[/img]

User avatar
Hondagirl
Legendary 500
Legendary 500
Posts: 652
Joined: Wed Jan 02, 2008 5:34 am
Sex: Female
Years Riding: 0
My Motorcycle: 2008 Honda Motard XR400
Location: Japan and CT

Re: a funny...

#97 Unread post by Hondagirl » Fri Oct 08, 2010 5:28 am

INSTALLING A HUSBAND

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a
distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the
flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under
Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such
as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and then installed
undesirable programs such as NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1. Conversation 8.0
no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.
What can I do?

Signed,
Desperate.


DEAR DESPERATE,

First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while
Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Please enter command:
ithoughtyoulovedme. html and try to download Tears 6.2 and don't forget
to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed,
Hu sband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0
and Flowers 3.5.

But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to
default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1. Please note
that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring
Loudly Beta. Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it
runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all
your system resources.) Also do not attempt to reinstall Boyfriend 5.0
program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband
1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited
memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider
buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We
recommend Cooking 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck,
Tech Support
Honda Motard XR400
Traded: Honda SL230 and Yamaha XJR400

User avatar
Hondagirl
Legendary 500
Legendary 500
Posts: 652
Joined: Wed Jan 02, 2008 5:34 am
Sex: Female
Years Riding: 0
My Motorcycle: 2008 Honda Motard XR400
Location: Japan and CT

Re: a funny...

#98 Unread post by Hondagirl » Fri Oct 08, 2010 5:31 am

A note found pinned to the fridge:

Honey, the Guyana Colleges called. They said, "The Pabst Beer is normal".
I didn't even know you liked beer.
Honda Motard XR400
Traded: Honda SL230 and Yamaha XJR400

User avatar
Hondagirl
Legendary 500
Legendary 500
Posts: 652
Joined: Wed Jan 02, 2008 5:34 am
Sex: Female
Years Riding: 0
My Motorcycle: 2008 Honda Motard XR400
Location: Japan and CT

Re: a funny...

#99 Unread post by Hondagirl » Fri Oct 08, 2010 5:37 am

Proofreading is a dying art, wouldn't you say?
Real headliners:

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
No crap, really? Ya think?
-----------------------------------------------
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Now that's taking things a bit far!
-------------------------------------------- ---------------
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
What a guy!
---------------------------------------------------------------
Miners Refuse to Work after Death
No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so's!
------------------------------------------------------
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
See if that works any better than a fair trial!
----------------------------------------------------------
War Dims Hope for Peace
I can see where it might have that effect!
----------------------------------------------------------------
If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
Ya think?!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Who would have thought!
----- -----------------------------------------------------------
Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
They may be on to something!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?
----------------------------------------------------------
Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
He probably IS the battery charge!
----------------------------------------------
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Weren't they fat enough?!
-----------------------------------------------
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Boy, are they tall!
-----------------------------------
And the winner is....
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

Did I read that right?
Honda Motard XR400
Traded: Honda SL230 and Yamaha XJR400

User avatar
fireguzzi
Site Supporter - Bronze
Site Supporter - Bronze
Posts: 2248
Joined: Fri Aug 20, 2004 9:00 pm
Real Name: Trevor
Sex: Male
Years Riding: 12
My Motorcycle: dream bike (really, it's in my dreams)
Location: Covington, Georgia
Contact:

Re: a funny...

#100 Unread post by fireguzzi » Fri Oct 08, 2010 7:36 am

Hondagirl wrote:A note found pinned to the fridge:

Honey, the Guyana Colleges called. They said, "The Pabst Beer is normal".
I didn't even know you liked beer.
hahahhaha Im gonna steal this one..
[img]http://i46.photobucket.com/albums/f101/fireguzzi/papabarsig.jpg[/img]

Post Reply