(Forget Rednecks, here is what Jeff Foxworthy has to say about Canucks )
If your local Dairy Queen is closed from September through May,you may live in Canada .
If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance and they don't work there, you may live in Canada .
If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you may live in Canada
If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you may live in Canada
If "Vacation" means going anywhere south of Muncie for the weekend, you may live in Canada .
If you measure distance in hours, you may live in Canada
If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once, you may live in Canada
If you have switched from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again, you may live in Canada
If you can drive 90 kms/hr through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching, you may live in Canada
If you install security lights on your house and garage, but leave both unlocked, you may live in Canada
If you carry jumpers in your car and your wife knows how to use them, you may live in Canada
If you design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit, you may live in Canada
If the speed limit on the highway is 80km -- you're going 90 and everybody is passing you, you may live in Canada
If driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow, you may live in Canada
If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction, you may live in Canada
If you have more miles on your snow blower than your car, you may live in Canada .
If you find 2 degrees "a little chilly", you may live in Canada
If you actually understand these jokes, and forward them to all your Canadian friends & others, you definitely live in Canada
a funny...
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dr_bar
- Site Supporter - Diamond
- Posts: 4531
- Joined: Mon May 23, 2005 4:37 am
- Real Name: Doug
- Sex: Male
- Years Riding: 44
- My Motorcycle: 2007 Yamaha Royal Star Venture
- Location: Surrey BC, Canada
Two Newfies were sitting around talking one afternoon over a cold beer.
After a while the first Newfie says to the second, "If I was to sneak
over to your house and make love to your wife while you was off huntin',
and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us related?
The second Newfie crooked his head sideways for a minute, scratched his
head, and squinted his eyes, thinking real hard about the question.
Finally, he says, "Well, I don't know about related, but it sure would
make us even."
After a while the first Newfie says to the second, "If I was to sneak
over to your house and make love to your wife while you was off huntin',
and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us related?
The second Newfie crooked his head sideways for a minute, scratched his
head, and squinted his eyes, thinking real hard about the question.
Finally, he says, "Well, I don't know about related, but it sure would
make us even."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Four wheels move the body.
Two wheels move the soul!"
"Four wheels move the body.
Two wheels move the soul!"
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dr_bar
- Site Supporter - Diamond
- Posts: 4531
- Joined: Mon May 23, 2005 4:37 am
- Real Name: Doug
- Sex: Male
- Years Riding: 44
- My Motorcycle: 2007 Yamaha Royal Star Venture
- Location: Surrey BC, Canada
Two Newfies are out hunting, and as they are walking along they
come upon a huge hole in the ground.
They approach it and are amazed by the size of it.
The first hunter says "Wow, that's some hole, I can't even see
the bottom, I wonder how deep it is?"
The second hunter says "I don't know, let's throw something down
and listen and see how long it takes to hit bottom."
The first hunter says "There's this old transmission here, give
me a hand and we'll throw it in and see".
So they pick it up and carry it over, and count one, and two and
three, and throw it in the hole.
They are standing there listening and looking over the edge and
they hear a rustling in the brush behind them.
As they turn around they see a goat come crashing through the
brush, run up to the hole, and with no hesitation, go in headfirst.
While they are standing there looking at each other, looking in
the hole, and trying to figure out what that was all about,
an old farmer walks up. "Say there", says the farmer, "you
fellers didn't happen to see my goat around here anywhere, did you?"
The first hunter says "Funny you should ask, but we were just
standing here a minute ago a goat came running out of the bushes doin'
about a hunnert miles an hour and..........
And the old farmer said "Why that's impossible, I had him chained
to an old transmission!
come upon a huge hole in the ground.
They approach it and are amazed by the size of it.
The first hunter says "Wow, that's some hole, I can't even see
the bottom, I wonder how deep it is?"
The second hunter says "I don't know, let's throw something down
and listen and see how long it takes to hit bottom."
The first hunter says "There's this old transmission here, give
me a hand and we'll throw it in and see".
So they pick it up and carry it over, and count one, and two and
three, and throw it in the hole.
They are standing there listening and looking over the edge and
they hear a rustling in the brush behind them.
As they turn around they see a goat come crashing through the
brush, run up to the hole, and with no hesitation, go in headfirst.
While they are standing there looking at each other, looking in
the hole, and trying to figure out what that was all about,
an old farmer walks up. "Say there", says the farmer, "you
fellers didn't happen to see my goat around here anywhere, did you?"
The first hunter says "Funny you should ask, but we were just
standing here a minute ago a goat came running out of the bushes doin'
about a hunnert miles an hour and..........
And the old farmer said "Why that's impossible, I had him chained
to an old transmission!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Four wheels move the body.
Two wheels move the soul!"
"Four wheels move the body.
Two wheels move the soul!"
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blues2cruise
- Moderator
- Posts: 10184
- Joined: Fri Apr 22, 2005 4:28 pm
- Sex: Female
- Years Riding: 16
- My Motorcycle: 2017 Africa Twin 1000cc
- Location: Vancouver, British Columbia
New Model coming out
There are rumors that Harley-Davidson is planning to build a tourer to compete head to head with the Gold Wing.
Rumor has it that like the Gold Wing, the new H-D tourer will have a pancake six.
The proposed designation for the new model will be FLPJK.
Rumor has it that like the Gold Wing, the new H-D tourer will have a pancake six.
The proposed designation for the new model will be FLPJK.
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fireguzzi
- Site Supporter - Bronze
- Posts: 2248
- Joined: Fri Aug 20, 2004 3:00 pm
- Real Name: Trevor
- Sex: Male
- Years Riding: 12
- My Motorcycle: dream bike (really, it's in my dreams)
- Location: Covington, Georgia
Re: New Model coming out
blues2cruise wrote:There are rumors that Harley-Davidson is planning to build a tourer to compete head to head with the Gold Wing.
Rumor has it that like the Gold Wing, the new H-D tourer will have a pancake six.
The proposed designation for the new model will be FLPJK.
Good one[img]http://i46.photobucket.com/albums/f101/fireguzzi/papabarsig.jpg[/img]
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dr_bar
- Site Supporter - Diamond
- Posts: 4531
- Joined: Mon May 23, 2005 4:37 am
- Real Name: Doug
- Sex: Male
- Years Riding: 44
- My Motorcycle: 2007 Yamaha Royal Star Venture
- Location: Surrey BC, Canada
One hot summer day, a Newfie came to town with his dog, tied it under the shade of a tree, and headed into the bar for a cold one.
Twenty minutes later, a policeman entered the bar and asked, 'Who owns the dog tied under that tree outside?'
The Newfie said it was his.
'Your dog seems to be in heat' the officer said.
The Newfie replied, 'No way. She's cool 'cause she's tied up under that shade tree.'
The policeman said, 'No! You don't understand. Your dog needs to be bred.'
'No way,' said the Newfie. 'That dog don't need bread. She ain't hungry cause I fed her this mornin'.'
The exasperated policeman said, 'NO! You don't understand; your dog wants to have sex!'
The Newfie looked at the cop and said, 'Well, go ahead. I always wanted a police dog.'
Twenty minutes later, a policeman entered the bar and asked, 'Who owns the dog tied under that tree outside?'
The Newfie said it was his.
'Your dog seems to be in heat' the officer said.
The Newfie replied, 'No way. She's cool 'cause she's tied up under that shade tree.'
The policeman said, 'No! You don't understand. Your dog needs to be bred.'
'No way,' said the Newfie. 'That dog don't need bread. She ain't hungry cause I fed her this mornin'.'
The exasperated policeman said, 'NO! You don't understand; your dog wants to have sex!'
The Newfie looked at the cop and said, 'Well, go ahead. I always wanted a police dog.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Four wheels move the body.
Two wheels move the soul!"
"Four wheels move the body.
Two wheels move the soul!"
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SuperRookie
- Legendary 500
- Posts: 569
- Joined: Thu Nov 24, 2005 5:43 am
- Real Name: Daryl
- Sex: Male
- Years Riding: 4
- My Motorcycle: 2004 Ducati 620ie
- Location: New York, NY
Entering Heaven
A man dies and appears at the Pearly Gates. “Have you ever done a good deed?” asks St. Peter.
“Sure, one time I came across a gang of bikers who were threatening a woman,” the man says. “I walked up to the leader and punched him in the face, kicked over his bike, and told him, ‘You leave her alone or you’ll answer to me.’”
"That was very brave of you,” says St. Peter. “When did this happen?”
“About two seconds ago.”
Two guys in an elevator
A little guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this great big huge guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down and says, "7 feet tall, 350 lbs., 20 inch pencil, testicles weigh 3lbs each, Turner Brown." The small guy just faints and falls to the floor. The big dude kneels down and brings him back by slapping his face and shaking him. He asks "Are you OK?" In a weak voice the little guy says, "Excuse me what did you say to me?" The big dude says, "When I saw the curious look on your face I just figured I'd give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me. I'm 7 feet tall, weigh 350 lbs, have a 20 inch pencil, my testicles weigh 3lbs each, and my name is Turner Brown." The small guy says, "Thank God!! I thought you said "Turn around."
Divine Intervention
A guy is walking along when suddenly he got his foot caught stuck in some railroad tracks. He tried to get it out but it was really stuck in there well. He heard a noise and turned around to see a train coming. He panicked and started to pray, "God, please get my foot out of these tracks and I'll stop drinking!" Nothing happened, it was still stuck, and the train was getting closer! He prayed again, "God, please get my foot out and I'll stop drinking AND cussing!" Still nothing.....and the train was just seconds away! He tried it one more time, "God please, if you get my foot out of the tracks, I'll quit drinking, cussing, smoking and having sex with all the women I meet." Suddenly his foot shot out of the tracks and he was able to dive out of the way, just as the train passed!...
... He got up, dusted himself off, looked toward Heaven and said "Thanks anyway God, I got it myself."
A man dies and appears at the Pearly Gates. “Have you ever done a good deed?” asks St. Peter.
“Sure, one time I came across a gang of bikers who were threatening a woman,” the man says. “I walked up to the leader and punched him in the face, kicked over his bike, and told him, ‘You leave her alone or you’ll answer to me.’”
"That was very brave of you,” says St. Peter. “When did this happen?”
“About two seconds ago.”
Two guys in an elevator
A little guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this great big huge guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down and says, "7 feet tall, 350 lbs., 20 inch pencil, testicles weigh 3lbs each, Turner Brown." The small guy just faints and falls to the floor. The big dude kneels down and brings him back by slapping his face and shaking him. He asks "Are you OK?" In a weak voice the little guy says, "Excuse me what did you say to me?" The big dude says, "When I saw the curious look on your face I just figured I'd give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me. I'm 7 feet tall, weigh 350 lbs, have a 20 inch pencil, my testicles weigh 3lbs each, and my name is Turner Brown." The small guy says, "Thank God!! I thought you said "Turn around."
Divine Intervention
A guy is walking along when suddenly he got his foot caught stuck in some railroad tracks. He tried to get it out but it was really stuck in there well. He heard a noise and turned around to see a train coming. He panicked and started to pray, "God, please get my foot out of these tracks and I'll stop drinking!" Nothing happened, it was still stuck, and the train was getting closer! He prayed again, "God, please get my foot out and I'll stop drinking AND cussing!" Still nothing.....and the train was just seconds away! He tried it one more time, "God please, if you get my foot out of the tracks, I'll quit drinking, cussing, smoking and having sex with all the women I meet." Suddenly his foot shot out of the tracks and he was able to dive out of the way, just as the train passed!...
... He got up, dusted himself off, looked toward Heaven and said "Thanks anyway God, I got it myself."
"Not just your 'ordinary' Rookie..."