(Needed) words of wisdom.

[JC Viper]

Hey guys, I just can't seem to stop thinking negatively about myself but the more I try to find any hope it seems to bring me down further.

Being 23 I'm beginning to hope that I don't make it to 24. I haven't done anything worthwhile in my life. I'm always wanting to push the envelope and reach new heights but I can't seem to progress because no matter how much I want it too many factors won't let me. Take for instance on joining an athletic team in college. My parents wouldn't allow me to join anything in elementary school and the high school won't let me even try out which led to the college not accepting people who were never on a team, and that is with all sports. I'm too old to make it in sports now.

I haven't been out too much and every time I call my old friends to hang out they're always busy with their own friends. Without friends I wind up staying at home being bored with a boring personality. Whether you believe it or not having friends can help you get further in your life, by hooking you up with whatever or joining you in pushing the limits. I have no connections and the only jobs I can seem to get on my own are fast food. Granted I know people are out of work it's just that I have to worry about my own a$$ and I don't want to be in this shape just because there are other people in my position or worse.

I have no talents and no networking capabilities on places like Facebook or Myspace which is why I have plain or blank pages. I've become really lame and have no skill. I just want to be good at something for once... instead it's just minimum wage on and off and just going to school which my grades are beginning to suffer from all this withdrawal. I can say that if my parents had just put more time in for me like they did with my sister I would be in a better spot, even if I was unemployed. My cognitive ability seems to be diminishing, I think I just rambled on...

I don't know what to do anymore...


*There is more to this but it's too much for now.

[ceemes]

First word of advice, quit whining. No one wants to hear it EVER and those that unfortunately do, will shun you like the plague. Cruel I know, but it had to be said.

Secondly, life generally sucks one way or another, at one time or another for EVERYONE, so get over yourself.

Thirdly, count your f'ing blessings, you are still a wet behind the ears young puppy who has just started out on this weird and twisted journey we call life. You are basically healthy and whole, going to college to learn the trade you wanted, have a roof over you head, food in your belly, a bike to ride and a life time of experiences a head of you. In those regards, you are a fvck load better off then many others in you city.

Fourthly, do a honest and brutally cruel assessment of yourself and personality. List the facets and factors of yourself and personality that turn not only other people off, but you yourself dislike. First clue, it ain't looks brother. Afterward, come up with a game plan to change them.

And don't tell me its impossible. When I was your age, I was the most humourless, serious, ana retentive basstard out there, so much so it that it was a wonder that I ever got laid. But after much effort, I was able to change, probably a bit too much as Blues and dr bar can attest.

But be warned, changes don't happen over night, it'll take both time and effort, but in the long run, it'll be worth it.

Lastly: FVCK your current group of friends. If they can't be bothered to be with you, then dump the no funs and make some new ones. Join a group that interest you, hell join a church, you don't have to actually subscribe to their brand of sky-daddy, just join for the social and networking aspects. Or find a riding group and hang with them. Volunteer with your local Red Cross or St. Jons Ambulance, you would be surprised how many friendly and shall we say affectionate young ladies belong to such organizations.

Basically, if you don't like your life and its direction, then it is up to you alone to change it, coz in the words of my old Sargent Major, the only place you are going to find sympathy in this cold cruel world is in the dictionary stuck between the words dodo and syphilis.

[blues2cruise]

Go get some counseling.
And read what ceemes said again.

[MrShake]

A little piece of me smiles when I read someone having troubles in their early 20s.... Why? Let me tell you.

With the single difference being my wonderful girlfriend (now wife), my 20s were very similar. I had crap jobs, I had a crap apartment, I had crap cars, no friends, no prospects, no education, no money, bad landlords, debt out the wazoo, etc, etc, etc.

ALL, and I repeat all, of those things have made me who I am today. I've now got a good job, a wife, a nice house, good car, motorcycle, and more. And I can appreciate ALL of them even more, because I had to do without. Fast Food jobs are jobs, and if you can get one, take it and keep it.
Smile and be friendly.
I'll 2nd Ceemes about joining something. I would definatly recommend a church, being a part of a church has opened many doors for me! I also associate wtih others who share my hobbies. I'm a member of a Magic Club, Home Brewing Club, Beagle Rescue Group, and more. All of these organizations give me like minded people to hang out with and make friends.
Mostly, you just gotta put your head down and fight through the bad times. Relish the good times you do have. Go camping or go for a walk or long ride on the bike, but when it gets down to the sucky times... just push through. It WILL get better, I promise!

[tymanthius]

Being 20-something sucks.

You're in the real world, having to take care of yourself, little or no safety net. I dunno how I survived, but I did.

As to the friends thing - sad truth - we out grow our friends. My g/f is having a hard time with that right now (she's late 20's, I'm mid-30's), and I encourage her to keep in contact, but don't get all up in arms about it, nor do to take it personally. Same goes for you.

You will find new friends.

If you want a radical change, join the military. I did that. I don't regret it. It's NOT for everyone. Consider it carefully before you even whisper to a recruiter. They get sent to Liars School before they get posted to those positions, and they work hard to get their numbers so they can keep the nice cushy civilian type job.

The truth is, you will survive, and later look back and laugh your a$$ off at some of these things, and shake your head at others and think 'was I really that dumb?'.

Life is fun, but it's not fair or easy. Accept that the game is rigged, then go enjoy it anyhow.

</rant>

[Brackstone]

Hey JC Viper

I know how you feel and I'm just a little bit older than you (28).

Life can suck at a lot of points but there are ways you can still get some joy out of it.

If you're friends are ignoring you seriously just ditch them. I had what I thought was a group of friends a long time ago and it was the same experience.

Most people are very self-centered and will rarely care about anyone other than themselves. It takes a long time to find people you can truly trust and will reward you with friendship for a while so don't be discouraged if your current friends are jerks.

I agree with what ceemes says, I'm not a religious man myself and I don't support any religion that believes you'll go to some bad place even if you're a good person because you don't believe/do/whatever they tell you to. But you can probably find a good Unitarian or some other church like that it'll give you people to talk to and a way to express yourself.

I lost one of my closest friends to suicide and I'm still very upset about it. I can tell you even though you feel like nobody cares about you, someone will be scarred the rest of your life by losing you.

If you want to talk 1 on 1 feel free to PM me I'll give you my AIM account! I have to agree with what blues2cruise says as well I would also consider getting some counseling.

[Thumper]

JC, you're at a really difficult age; still very young, but you're not a kid anymore (even though people my age refer to your age group as kids still...we're just jealous.) It helps to keep in mind that the growing pains are temporary--and you are in the midst of growing pains--and it sometimes takes some creativity to keep sane.

And man, it is HARD when you realize the friends you were tight with are heading in a different direction. That doesn't necessarily get easier as you get older, but by the time you hit my age you earn a few coping skills and you learn to redirect. You have to search for places and ways to meet people who share your interests--church, as has been mentioned, work, clubs. You ride, there's an interest there where seeking out a club might help.

Someone else mentioned the military. Seriously, it's not a bad idea. You want a job where you can go somewhere, meet people, really BE someone...when the Spouse Thingy joined the Air Force in '84 it was just because we needed more than minimum wage and there was opportunity there. And dang, did he ever take advantage of the opportunities. The USAF not only trained him for his initial job, but paid for both his BSN and MSN...by the time he retired in '04 we had seen a good chunk of the US, made lifelong friends with all kinds of people, there's a steady retirement income, he had training for an awesome civilian job, and he had eligibility for a VA loan to buy a house.

Pick the right service for what you want (USAF doesn't deploy on scales as big as the army and marines...just sayin') and you can get everything you're itching for.

No matter what, you're old enough now to pick up the pieces you feel your parents dropped. It's not too late for sports. Try TaeKwonDo; anyone can start that, even if they're woefully uncoordinated. You'll meet people and gain some skills beyond the ability to kick a$$. Join a gym that offers classes. Search out riding clubs in your area.

It's not easy, I know that. BTDT and not 100% recovered. But you Can do it, and dude, there's a whole lot of life ahead of you to figure it out. It just takes some work.

And whining is ok...for a little bit. Get it out of your system, and then take a deep breath and try to help yourself.

[tymanthius]

I forgot to mention: We ALL make mistakes, and some of us take a long time recover. I'm 36 (really? Still think I'm 22 sometimes . . .), and I'm still not over having made a bad decision in marrying right out of high school.

The funny part of that is, it's the kids I have from that marriage that I am most pleased and happy about. But the financial woes I allowed myself to get into . . . JEEZ!!!

Even so, I'm now managing to finally buy myself a bike, and a good one. And I can even afford to fully insure it, along with my minivan. It's taken a lot of time, and I've made more mistakes along the way.

But so what? Money can be had, if you're willing to work. I'll never be rich, but my kids eat, they get thru school, and they get to the dr as needed. If I had made 3 or 4 better decisions when I was 19 I would probably be pulling half again what I am now in salary. Oh well.

My rambling point here is, you're alive, whole, have a place to eat & sleep. Trust me, it can be worse. So focus on the good parts. There are things that make you happy now and again, even if it's just talking to us online.

Someone else offered to talk via an IM service - I'm offering too. I use the same screen name here as much as anywhere else, be it AIM, Yahoo, or what have you. Add gmail.com to it & you have my email.

I'm not your age bracket, but hey, you have more exp. on a bike than I do, so YOU have things to teach ME.

Things get better, but only if you allow them too.

[wrecks]

Hang in there. There are people in this world that have it even worse off than you and I. All you have to do is just "twist the wrist!" go for a ride.

[JC Viper]

Oh yeah I'm just whining as usual huh. Get in my damn shoes before hand. It's not as easy as it seems when you call everyone you know and get blown off. Making new friends ain't as easy because they have their own group and I'll be lucky to get to join in. Being home or going places by yourself for years on end can destroy ones mind. work this work that, no connections, "bloody"' military having second thoughts about my old head fracture, no experience for anything and a school that refuses to help troubled people yeah nice. The girls I like so much are successful and I have nothing to show or offer. granted I don't know if they care but I'm embarrassingly in the red in everything.

My parents are giving my sister privileges I never got, I had to work for everything. They never signed my permission slips to partake in any after school activity telling me that school is more important than socializing. Meanwhile my sister has more oppertunities since they allowed her to start the things she wanted to do at a young age and now made connections and better school choices.

I got beaten quite a bit for stuff I didn't do or even deserve and now with this economic crisis my "O Ring" is not even certain of my own future. Yeah I know others have it worse but does that mean i have to be content with my misfortunes? Oh god seriously...

When I'm lucky enough to be with friends doing something all negativity goes away but I'm not as fortunate to get a repeat of hanging out. Case in point I got to go out last friday as an Anti-valentines thing this week they just told me if I don't have a girl I can't get in the lounge with them. lame. this is new york city, I see tons of people my age enjoying their youth you're expecting me to keep fighting for something so uncertain.

My freakin' guitar is just sitting here and I can't play it because I'm so damn lame at it, I can't seem to fix up the car for a Rally race and no experience = no sponsors. I need talent, turns out I can't seem to find out what mine is. I haven't trained in martial arts long enough to to be awesome at it and I'm not even trained for competition just defense so no MMA.ytrehsdhtfjykugilhjo;pkl;

Look if you don't want to hear from me again then fine I'll just stop right here so bye. Hopefully my life can go to someone more deserving and yes I'm an organ donor.